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Writer’s Oatmeal is unlike regular oatmeal. It’s what a writer makes when working under a deadline so tight he has only minutes to spare for eating. Follow the instructions below and you, too can enjoy a delicious bowl of Writer’s Oatmeal!

This information is so valuable it could be sold as a $27 e-book, but you get it FREE right here at Lake Lopez Online, just for dropping by. PLUS the instructions include 3 FREE BONUSES!

Part I – Preparations:

1. Go to store and buy oatmeal. Get the instant kind that comes in little Kool-Aid like pouches.
2. Go home and read instructions.
3. Look for microwave-safe bowl.
4. Realize you don’t own bowls. You’re a writer, not a Chef.
5. Go back to store.
6. Buy Pyrex brand microwave-safe measuring cup because you’ll need one anyway and you might as well mix the oatmeal in it.
7. Back at home, mix water and oatmeal packet into measuring cup – see instructions for exact amount of water.
8. Press microwave’s “START” button. ***FREE BONUS #1 – The “START” button is the GREEN button. If you don’t have a microwave, see if your neighbor does.***
9. When microwave dings inspect the finished product. If it appears edible go to Part III. If, however, it looks like glue and vomit chunks mixed together go to Part II.

Part II, Revision

1. Realize that you don’t know how to use the measuring cup. You’re a writer, not a mathematician specializing in complex fractions like, “…Up to 1/3 cup water.”
2. Throw out runny, vomit-like goop that was supposed to be food.
3. Search internet for instructions on using the measuring cup.
4. Twitter your followers for assistance.
5. Figure it out on your own. Feel like a dumbass.
6. Pour in the right amount of water.
7. Go to Part I, Step 7

Part III, Eating

1. Devour oatmeal.
2. Realize you’re still hungry.
3. Go back to store.
4. Buy fruit, like strawberries. ***FREE BONUS #2 – Remember to buy a small cutting utensil such as a sharp “knife.” These “knives” are usually available in one of the store’s aisles. Ask someone who works in the store for directions, then have them lead you directly to it. Seek their counsel on which “knife” is best to cut the fruit you selected.***
5. Go home.
6. Wash the “knife” and strawberries.
7. Let “knife” and strawberries air dry on counter.
8. Chop strawberries into small pieces. ***FREE BONUS #3 – Do NOT chop off pieces of your fingers during the chopping process. Doing so will make writing at a computer difficult.***
9. Go to Part I, Step 7 and when done stir in chopped strawberries.
10. Then eat 3 peanut butter sandwiches and half a bag of stale chips to fully satisfy hunger.

Good night and good writing.

LL